Covid clubbing: What will a night out look like after the pandemic?
Boris Johnson this week unveiled the UK’s route out of lockdown, unleashing a jubilant flood of social media memes.
With 21 June set as the target date for a full lifting of restrictions, Brits were quick to fantasise about how they’ll celebrate their newfound freedom after 15 months of lockdown.
The timeline could still be pushed back and there’s still all to play for, but here’s our (not-so-scientific) preview of what the Great British Night Out might look like after Covid.
Friday 5pm – Finish work
Fingers crossed by June we’ll have dusted off our Oyster cards, brushed up on our smalltalk, and made a long-overdue return to the office. Chances are your company will have a more flexible working policy, but Fridays are definitely the day to go in. Nothing happens on a Friday anyway.
So, stop pretending to work and follow the one-way system straight to the local boozer for a quick pint (or four) with your colleagues. No table service or scotch eggs for us anymore, so it’s elbows-first straight to the bar, though probably best not to delete your 23 different bar ordering apps just yet.
7pm – Dinner
After a lovely liquid amuse-bouche, it’s time to head for dinner. You’ve spent the last year eating takeaways on the sofa, so there’s no excuse not to do your bit for the economy and head to a restaurant. Rishi would be proud.
There might still be some perspex screens knocking around and the waiting staff may be in masks, but otherwise it’s time to chow down as normal.
Some people will be more cautious about the return to socialising than others, so if you’re lucky, you might be able to pitch up at your favourite eatery and grab a table spontaneously, rather than booking c.17 weeks in advance. But then again it’s London, so you never know.
Step by step: The UK’s social reopening plan
- From 8 March: Outdoor recreation between two people — meaning coffee and picnics allowed.
- From 29 March: Up to six people from different households (or a larger group from two households) can meet outside, including private gardens.
- From 12 April: Pubs and restaurants can reopen for outdoor service, with rule of six or two household limit.
- From 17 May: Indoor hospitality allowed with rule of six. Outdoor gatherings up to 30 people. Large indoor performances and sports events up to 1,000 people. Outdoor large performances and sporting fixtures capped at 4,000.
- From 21 June: All restrictions on social contact lifted. Nightclubs reopen and festivals resume.
9pm – Pre-drinks
After months of getting intimate with your webcam, you can now actually socialise with other humans. Wouldn’t it be nice to be in someone else’s living room for a change?
Besides, if you’re not careful the post-Covid blowout will wipe out all those pandemic savings within a fortnight, so best to conserve some cash. For best results, pick a friend who claims they love hosting and turn up unannounced. No QR codes required.
11pm – Head to the club
Remember clubbing? It’s when people pile into an over-crowded, overheated, under-lit room and make a fool of themselves into the early hours of the morning. It doesn’t matter what your opinion of clubbing was before the pandemic; you’re now a certified raver.
Hopefully we’ll have some efficient rapid testing in place, so it’s time to bag yourself a cheeky negative and descend on one of London’s many Covid-free bubbles.
En route to Phonox you pass the O2 Academy, where Caribou’s rescheduled gig is finally on stage. Nature is healing. Except the queue for rapid testing now stretches round two blocks, so probably best to skip the cloakroom.
Once inside, it’s business as usual. Table service is once again the sordid reserve of footballers and social media stars fresh back from Dubai, so it’s straight to the dancefloor. Does the air feel a bit cleaner? You’ve got pathogen-reducing ventilation to thank for that. Bar a bit less sticky? That’ll be the high-grade surface cleaner. Tequila shots and a squirt of han-san all round.
??am – Time for bed
You’ve reached the stage of the night where the booze is starting to wear off and you’re questioning your own life choices. It’s time to get an Uber (non-essential journeys, yes please) and head home. It’s ok, though, because you’ll be able to do it all over again next weekend.