The Debate: Can you date across the divide?
Ahead of Valentine’s Day, we ask the big question: can a Tory really love a leftie? Read the case for and against in this week’s Debate
YES: It isn’t just possible, its preferable – I’m a Tory councillor married to a Green voter
As a Conservative councillor married to a Green voter, dating across the political divide isn’t just possible, I’d say it’s preferable.
My wife and I met at university. Our first date consisted of her passionately defending Greece’s new hard left government over lunch. Safe to say we didn’t agree, but it meant that our relationship started off by learning the most important lesson for a couple: how to disagree well.
So many couples ignore difficult conversations early on and find it hard to navigate differences when they inevitably arise. Those conversations happen earlier if you know you vote differently, helping build a habit of disagreeing well as your relationship grows.
One thing my wife and I have also learnt is that voting differently doesn’t always mean differing core values. We may disagree on the best economic policies to get there, but we both agree on the evils of poverty and the importance of strong local communities.
Dating and marrying someone who votes differently has also greatly expanded our perspectives on the world, allowing us to share experiences that otherwise would have been closed to us – and isn’t that a core ingredient to a successful relationship? Would a committed leftie have otherwise attended (and enjoyed) a Tory fundraiser dinner? Likewise, would a Tory councillor have (inadvertently!) ended up in the thick of an anti-capitalist protest with his girlfriend’s mates?
Dating across the political divide actively encourages better communication, a deeper understanding of each other’s values and leads to fun shared experiences. Don’t limit your dating pool just because of how someone votes – who knows, you might just meet the love of your life.
Jack Emsley is a Conservative councillor in West London
NO: When I’m feeling good or bad about a headline, I don’t want a spat with my sweetie
Absolutely not. Politics is serious business, especially now, when not even the glaciers of Greenland are safe from the madness of our current situation. Anyone who doesn’t see the current global situation as a crisis that has to be solved is not a match for me. There are so many good reasons to have arguments in relationships – sexual preferences, money, kids, what type of berry goes with breakfast cereal – why add politics into the mix?
For a fling, yes, one can overlook even someone thinking that the Earth is flatter than a tortilla, but for a relationship, you’ve got to have total trust. That includes believing in the political instincts of your partner. A person’s persuasion on bigger issues is not like whether they wear blue or black jeans to a concert, it says something about their deeper character, whether they care about other people, whether they’re kind or selfish.
In my book, The Kama Sutra for Senior Citizens and Other Poems on Aging, I have a poem called Other Times We Might Have Met where I compare meeting my partner to finding a perfectly intact scallop shell on a beach full of slightly broken shells. A date with our politics not matching would be like a beautiful shell that’s chipped.
No, I would never date across that divide, because I want to be able to discuss everything with a lover. When I’m feeling good or bad about a headline, I don’t want a spat with my sweetie, I want to share the outrage or the hope.
Zack Rogow is a dating expert and writer of The Kama Sutra for Senior Citizens… And Other Poems on Ageing
THE VERDICT
Forget the Capulets and Montagues, in 2026, as society becomes increasingly polarised, it’s the political divide that has the potential to wreak the most havoc for star-crossed lovers. Ahead of Valentine’s Day, we ask the big question: can a Tory really love a leftie?
Conservative councillor Mr Emsley not only says you can, but that he does – and this is certainly cause for optimism. Not only does his relationship with his Green-voting wife function, but thrive, so he says. But how can this be? Mr Rogow remains incredulous – and he is right to emphasise the importance of core values to a successful relationship. Which appears to be wherein the conflict lies. Where Mr Rogow sees party affiliation as able to dictate even someone’s kindness, Mr Emsley argues that in fact his and his wife’s core values don’t differ too much at all – and it’s here that romance can blossom, with cross-party love challenging both parties to expand their worldview. In light of that, dating across the divide may not only be possible, it may even be necessary.