Monday 16 November 2009 7:00 pm

EXBARRISTER FINDS A RAFT OF USES FOR CITY'S USELESS BANKERS

A RATHER quaint looking little book lands on The Capitalist’s desk and promptly causes a bit of a stir.

Said tome has been penned – if you can call it that – by Alex Steuart Williams, a former barrister turned cartoonist and feature film animator (with movie credits such as The Lion King and Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince to his name).

Williams’ latest offering is another collection of cartoons entitled “101 uses for a useless banker”, and includes a series of real gems. One depicts a couple of portly legal eagles enjoying a bottle of port, captioned “Thank goodness for the bankers… hardly anyone hates lawyers any more!”

Another shows a dishevelled banker heading to the toilet, where a roll of RBS share certificates takes pride of place where the loo roll should be, while another takes the form of a City classified ad, featuring a “Trophy wife, 32, blonde, gorgeous, no sense of humour. Monthly running costs: £7,000 pcm…” (Cue a chorus of wealthy husbands

But The Capitalist’s personal favourite has to be the mock-Bridget Jones style illustration of a well-heeled businesswoman penning her diary. “Tuesday,” it declares. “Wine: 6 glasses. Cigarettes: 30. Pounds lost: £20m.”

What’s not to like about a refreshing gust of humour in the ever-more-jaded environs of the City?

POTTY MOUTH
In the spirit of literary cheer, The Capitalist cannot but admire the dedication of blogger Paul Kedrosky, who has taken the time to compile a (non-exhaustive) table of the best books of the financial crisis so far, judged on how many times a particular expletive appears in the text.

A clear winner emerges in Andrew Ross Sorkin’s controversial book “Too Big to Fail”, which apparently contains 20 “f**ks” overall, equivalent to a healthy 0.03 per page.

JELLY WRESTLE
Those who appreciate a more, er, imaginative approach to fundraising from the City need look no further for their slice of entertainment this coming Friday evening.

Royal Bank of Scotland business analyst Suzie Babbe and her team of do-gooders are organising a jelly wrestling event – that’s gorgeous model types writhing around in a bath full of wobbly jelly, for those unfamiliar with the “sport” – at the Oktoberfest pub in Fulham on Friday.

They’re hoping to raise over £12,000 for army charity Help for Heroes through ticket sales and an auction – which shouldn’t be too much of a stretch, if last year’s photographs are anything to go by.

Tickets are a snip at just £20 for the first 30 to sign up and £25 thereafter, with the option to snap up a priority “ringside seat with VIP access” for £100. (Ooh-er.) Visit http://jelly4heroes.eventbrite.com for more details.

CEREAL OFFENDER
While closet couch potatoes continue to be amused by Weetabix’s latest genius advertising campaign, showing an intrepid jockey going on to win a steeplechase on foot after being thrown from his horse, at least one party is up in arms about the ad.

Fund manager Henderson has been in touch to point out an eerily similar photograph of an advert for its multi-manager income and growth fund, which shows a lone jockey leaping over a fence behind the rest of the pack.

“We admit that is using the medium of television but interesting to note Henderson’s creative flair is proving inspirational,” sniffs a spokesman. “It seems there is a cereal offender at work…” Groan.

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