London can be a treacherous place. And not just because of the crime or the poverty or the grinding working hours. London's skyscrapers are trying to kill you. All of you.
Yesterday we heard the alarming news that part of a steel bolt had fallen off the Cheesegrater, crashing to the ground – though thankfully, the area had been cordoned off because of building works. Clearly 122 Leadenhall Street, as it is known to the police, hadn't banked on that.
This is only the most recent of the City's killer skyscrapers to strike.
Last month the Blue Fin building had to call out the men in blue over loose facades – the area was cordoned off and buses redirected, but luckily nothing actually fell off. A practice run maybe?
This summer the iconic Shard skyscraper, originally known as the London Bridge Tower, was evacuated after there were reports of smoke coming from the 72-storey building. Smoke without fire? We don't believe a word of it.
Our neighbouring edifice the Walkie Talkie, real name 20 Fenchurch Street, meanwhile has variously tried to blind and burn people (and their belongings). Though we managed to turn its evil powers into powers for good when we made this delicious egg butty. So you can feel safe – for now.
In 2009, 125 Old Broad Street tried to take out City workers by dropping a huge pane glass window on them from 17 storeys above. Miraculously, no one was hurt but as you can see from this Daily Mail story it caused a bit of a mess on the road below.
And before that, the Gherkin took a similar approach, shedding a window from its 16th floor onto the people below. Again, no one was hurt, despite the St Mary Axe (even the real name is sinister) tower's best efforts.
The scientific claim for falling windows being a semi-regular occurance with skyscrapers is the different air pressure inside and out. Sounds like a convenient excuse if you ask me.
The solution? Use your umbrella to shield you, even if it's not raining, walk fast and don't look them in the eye.
And whatever you do, don't let them know we're onto them.