The harbingers of hilarity at Planet Crypto have summoned up death itself for some comedy value this week, engaging in a little light-hearted japery with none other than the Grim Reaper.
No, not the Droitwich band from the new wave era of British heavy metal, but the actual Lord of Death who has, apparently, slammed social media users for repeatedly wasting his time with false “Bitcoin is dead” claims.
“Since it was born there have been 466 obituaries posted for Bitcoin and every single one was a false alarm. I’m fed up with it,” complained The Angel of Death, who is charged with escorting departed souls to the afterlife.
The Pale Rider described how he was duped by the latest hoax.
“I was doom-scrolling on a cigarette break when all these graphs appeared of Bitcoin’s vital signs – ‘Spent Output Profit Output Ratio’, ‘Relative Strength Index’, ‘Dormancy Flow’ – I don’t know what the hell they mean but people said it showed Bitcoin was dead. So, like an idiot I went to collect it, only to find it’s not dead at all, just a bit sickly. Big deal. We all get sickly in winter.”
This latest incident comes during a period where the Reaper job has become much more difficult to execute.
“I went to collect Terra Luna a few months ago only to find its soul had already been re-born into a new entity. Meanwhile the world and his wife can see that Gemini is dead, but I’m not allowed to collect it until someone pulls the plug. To be honest, I miss the 14th Century. You were busy but at least you knew where you stood.”
The Grim Reaper ended his rant with a vow.
“Every week, I get hoax calls that one of the 3B’s has gone – Bitcoin, Britney, and Betty White. Well, from now on, I’m not responding to any of them.”
On being informed that Betty White died months ago, he replied: “Mate, I’ve told you, I’m not falling for that crap anymore.”