Nearly there. After 13 firings, ten challenges and one peerage, the lowest budget Apprentice to date was drawing to a close.
Sir Alan congratulated his finalists before bringing on The Apprentice alumnus to help out with the make-or-break task. Kate and Yasmina grinned as their old friends strutted back in, looking like a Marks and Spencer’s remake of Reservoir Dogs. Then Philip arrived, looking sheepish. RoboKate’s grin faded but she managed to keep it together, mindful that a single tear would make her short-circuit.
Given the task of inventing a new box of chocolates, Philip suggested something fun, quirky and different. Last time he did this, Pantsman was born. It’s still a sore subject and the Charles Saatchi of Durham is still sure that, one day, his true genius will be understood.
Also true to form was Ben, who tried to convince Kate to play up the naughty element: “You could base it on the idea of having a threesome with your box of chocolates”. Kate, speaking gently but firmly, told Ben that she drew the line at sexual acts, something I imagine he has been told before.
Aside from Ben and Philip’s suggestion, it was striking that all the good ideas came from those who’d been fired. Could it be that the wrong people were in the final? Kate decided to make a romantic, seductive box of chocolates look like a pack of tampons while Yasmina combined strawberry, basil, chilli and chocolate to devise the box most likely to unleash serious damage since Pandora’s.
Still, with adverts to make, there was no time for doubts. Kate’s sensual night in was filmed, looking like a cross between the 80s Gold Blend coffee commercials and an advertisement for the sort of chatlines that are only allowed to operate after midnight. Yasmina’s advert seemed inspired by Russian Roulette, as a group choke down the increasingly vile combinations, with St John’s Ambulance on standby.
Long before the episode ended, Kate looked the obvious winner, with an impressive track history, great presentational skills and little in the way of personality. But the boss was unimpressed by her ambition to make it to director level. “That’s important to you, is it? Names? Status?” he asked, which must have been hard to take from Sir – sorry Lord – Alan. And with that, our new Enterprise Tsar made Yasmina his unlikely Tsarina.