Those mischievous merchants of merriment at Planet Crypto have, apparently, landed an exclusive interview with disgraced former FTX chief Sam Bankman-Fried.
And he’s provided some unexpected insights into events leading up to what could turn out to be one of the most damaging collapses ever to hit the world of cryptocurrency.
But remember, satire is the name of the game here. It’s just a bit of fun…
Sam Bankman-Fried has told Planet Crypto that he tried to warn us he was bad at finance.
The bankrupt former CEO, who dresses like one of the kids from Fame, said: “People think because I’m called Bankman I must know what I’m doing, but honestly, I’ve spent months trying to persuade them that I don’t.
“Take my meetings with the venture capitalists. I wouldn’t know the first thing to do with their money, so I turned up in a Toyota Corolla and played computer games through the meeting. And what happened? They thought I was an eccentric genius and gave me $214 million!
“Then I sat on a conference stage with Bill Clinton and Tony Blair in scruffy shorts and a t-shirt and talked about giving all my money away. No-one asked me if I was depressed, they just decided I was a philanthropist. I even loaned $400 million to a crypto lender that was in distress. That’s right, I loaned money to a lender that was bad at lending. I mean, where does it recommend that in Business for Dummies?
“In June, I realised that FTX was in trouble, so I commented that ‘some exchanges are secretly bankrupt.’ I think I even winked when I said it. And still people didn’t cotton on. I mean, which exchange did people think I was talking about? All the exchanges whose accounts I didn’t have access to OR THE ONE THAT I DID!”
SBF was also critical of individual investors who chose to see him as ‘the good guy of crypto’.
“Firstly, just look at my name. Doctors have warned for years that fried things are bad for you. It’s not like my name is Sam Co-operative-Lender-Green-Smoothie. And secondly, Mike Novogratz put $77 million into FTX. Yes, the Mike Novogratz that thought Terra LUNA was so great, he had it tattooed on his arm. How much more of a danger sign did you need?”
Displaying the candidness that he has become known for, SBF then wondered whether he could do better in future.
“I don’t know. Maybe I should wear a siren or something,” he said.
Planet Crypto thanks you for your honesty, Sam. You’ve gone up even more in our estimation. What’s your next project and how can we invest in it?