HEDGE FUND BOSS KICKS UP A STINK FOR KIDS

AS FAR as creative forays go, they don’t come much stranger – or more hilarious – than the latest venture set up by Eric Rosenfeld, a prominent New York investment manager who spends his days working as president and chief executive of Manhattan-based Crescendo Partners.

The Capitalist chances upon a bizarre website launched by Rosenfeld to promote his new book, a children’s tale entitled “Mrs Buttkiss and the Big Surprise”.

Strange name for the main character, you may well think – and you’d be right.

“Mrs Buttkiss is the charming tale of a big woman with a big secret,” Rosenfeld writes of his meisterwerk. “She’s been holding in a fart…forever. What happens when Mrs. B finally lets it out? Will her greatest fears be realised? Or will the outcome be…magical?”

No, I kid you not. Apparently, our investment guru chanced upon the idea when trying to settle down his three young children for bed, and hasn’t looked back since.

LAP OF LUXE
Here we were thinking flashy was going out of fashion, when up pops a tale to blow that theory out of the water.

The latest edition of Tatler magazine, out tomorrow, has an interview with property magnates the Candy brothers, given in the luxurious environs of the pair’s enormous Monaco flat. Not only do Nick and Christian have a 100-inch plasma screen private cinema, curtains edged with crystals, buffalo hide carpet and a speed boat outside called “Catch me if you Candy”, they’ve also got a fair few diva-like demands of their staff – such as hoovering a white silk rug so that it resembles the stripes of the mown grass on Wimbledon’s Centre Court. Eh?

YES, MINISTER
Spotted on the Guardian jobs website – a tongue-in-cheek advert for applications to be the next Prime Minister, courtesy of recruiter Guru Resourcing.

“Hours: Full Time,” barks the advert. “Salary: Very Competitive + Uncapped Expenses.” (Yes, quite.)

“We are looking for a parliamentary heavyweight capable of communicating at all levels with a unique ability to put positive spin on even the most dire scenarios, therefore experience of being economical with the truth is an absolute must,” it continues. “Our client invests heavily in staff development with great benefits to match, including: great working conditions, an excellent office location, extensive benefits (8 bed house, personal expenses, free transport, second home + furnishings)…”

Should someone get the message to Messrs. Brown, Cameron and Clegg that the process really needn’t be so draining after all?

MATCH OF THE DAY
Yesterday, as the City stumbled back into work after the Easter bank holiday weekend, was new Daniel Stewart CEO Adam Wilson’s first day in his brand new chair. Wilson has some hefty plans for the business (see opposite page), embarking on an ambitious strategy to turn around its fortunes – though The Capitalist would be willing to bet there was a frosty atmosphere in the office yesterday nevertheless.

Wilson, you see, is a Chelsea season ticket-holder and was pleased as Punch over his team’s defeat of arch-rivals Manchester United in the weekend’s top-of-the-table clash. Which can’t have been fun for his predecessor Peter Shea, now chairman, who is a staunch fan of the Red Devils and keeps a signed David Beckham shirt hanging in pride of place on his office wall.

Still, the figurines on the office table football table are decked out in red and blue too, so there’s always the possibility of regaining glory in the games room...

NORTHERN LIGHT
Not long to go now for Elham Al-Qasimi – the former JP Morgan investment banker who quit her job recently to embark on the charity challenge of a lifetime. Al-Qasimi, not content with putting her body through the rigours of mere gym training or running, is to set off in mid-April to trek to the North Pole, becoming the first Arab woman to achieve the feat if she is successful.

Sponsored by Emirates Airlines, Emirates NBD Bank, Land Rover and Hublot watches, the hardy lass has been lugging tyres around the park for months in preparation for the three-week trip, during which she will carry all of her supplies with her on cross-country skis.

“Pushing myself to the limit both physically and mentally will be the ultimate challenge, but one I am determined to overcome,” she says. “I hope that by doing this, I can show other women across the world that anything is possible.”

To sponsor her, in aid of the Pancreatic Cancer Research Fund and Ugandan schools charity PEAS, visit www.elhamalqasimi.com.

MUSICAL CHAIRS
Strike me down, but the FSA’s managed to ferret out a candidate to be its new head of comms after all.

The City regulator has been without a top spinner since charming Irish lunchmaster John Murray resigned in December, though many doubted the job’s appeal since the FSA would be axed under a Tory government anyway.

But yesterday, the regulator confirmed it had poached Tom Kelly for the role – Tony Blair’s former spokesman, no less, and the ex-director of comms at BAA to boot.

In a wonderful stroke of irony, Kelly is due to take up his new position on 4 May, just two days before the general election that could prove crucial to his future role. Perhaps he shouldn’t make himself too comfortable.

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