THE TRUTH BEHIND THE BAILOUT IN IRELAND

 
Steve Dinneen
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SHORT of holding a gun to his head, how did the IMF persuade Brian Cowen to accept Ireland’s €85bn (£72bn) bailout, just hours after he denied the country was in financial trouble?
Well, according to a new Taiwanese news animation, holding a gun to his head was exactly what it did.

The same firm that showed how Tiger Woods’ wife may have looked as she (allegedly) chased after his car with a golf club, has turned its unique talents to hapless Ireland.

The two minute video clip (available at: http://www.businessinsider.com/irish-bailout-taiwanese-animation-2010-11) shows Ireland’s history from the potato famine onwards through creepy 1990s-style computer animation.

Glossing over The Troubles, the video cuts straight from starving migrants piling onto US-bound ships, to what appears to be a leprechaun finding the property bubble at the end of a rainbow.

But then, alas, tragedy strikes. Brian Cowen, looking suspiciously less jowly than usual, is forced to sink the nation’s cash into the leprechaun’s pot to prop up the banks. Eurocrats force the bailout upon Cowen at gun point and put the tiger in the stocks. The clip ends with the poor leprechaun being kicked to death by an angry crowd of priests. A cautionary tale indeed, and perhaps a happier ending than we can expect in real-life.

Interesting to note that the Irish government is portrayed as inept, greedy and borderline-corrupt, which is far more flattering than their perception in the eyes of the average Irishman.

VERY SOCIAL NETWORK
THANKFULLY, not everyone is as down on the Irish economy as the Taiwanese. In fact, two entrepreneurs decided now is the ideal time to launch an Irish “business and social networking website” with the aim of “sharing of knowledge, job opportunities and networking”.

“RendezVous353.com is especially appropriate during these challenging times,” said co-founder Richard O’Donnell, rather unconvincingly.

“Like any decent Irish party, the launch saw a mix of good music, good company and good craic.” No doubt there was some drinking going on too – The Capitalist imagines there are probably some sorrows to drown.

CAM GIVES IT 110 PC
DAVID Cameron has obviously taken Barack Obama’s “lightweight” snub to heart. In an attempt to toughen up he seems to have adopted the trademark hyperbolic vernacular of a football manager. “We are going to give this 110 per cent,” he said of Britain’s hopes of hosting the next World Cup, in language even cockney wideboy Harry Redknapp would be proud of. “We are passionate about football and we can put on a really great show, we can have full stadiums, we have got everything that is necessary to make this work.”

SNOW STOPS PLAY
Meanwhile, Chelsea Football Club, where Chelsea striker Didier Drogba (left) plays, played the role of Christmas Scrooge yesterday, cancelling a party at Canary Wharf at which they had planned on giving away presents (as well as flogging hospitality tickets). While the Blues are stopping very little on the pitch at the moment, it seems that all it takes is a little snow to put the breaks on their festive spirit.