SPEARMINT RHINO BOSS RETURNS TO CLUB SCENE

AMID all the talk of a strict clampdown on City jaunts to strip clubs, it comes as something of a surprise for The Capitalist to learn that another such den of iniquity popped up this week claiming to be the classiest table dancing joint in town.

That’s right, folks, it’s back – courtesy of founder Simon Warr, the former managing director of Spearmint Rhino, who split from the chain’s founder John Gray recently, taking control of its out-of-London clubs and rebranding them as Platinum Lace.

The new club, on the former site of the CC Club, next to the Trocadero centre at Piccadilly Circus, aims to be “the very best and most exclusive” that London has to offer, and it’s not shy about tapping a market of which predecessors steered well clear: the ladies.

On board to help raise awareness of the venue among female punters is Emma Sayle, she of orgy-organiser Killing Kittens fame, as a consultant. “We’ve themed it as a crossover club, with themed nights, entertainment and burlesque as well as the usual dancers,” she tells me. “We’d love the ladies to come along too – the idea that strip clubs are a primarily male domain is outdated.”

BEAR NECESSITY
SocGen’s lovable über-bear strategist Albert Edwards was back on top form yesterday predicting his usual decline into the icy depths of recession.

No optimism over market prospects in this camp: Edwards believes we’re firmly back in the same situation as we were prior to the financial crisis in 2007.

“Investors then were content to stick their heads into very deep sand and ignore the fact that The Great Unwind had clearly begun. But in August and September 2007, even though the wheels were clearly falling off the global economy, the S&P still managed to rally 15 per cent!” Edwards notes, incredulously.

“The recent reaction to data suggests the market is in a similar deluded state of mind. Yet again, equity investors refuse to accept they are now locked in a Vulcan death grip and are about to fall unconscious…”

Will the Star Trek indicator of market volatility soon catch on?

NEWS HOUND
Rivalry bubbles over on Twitter between the two doyens of financial television journalism, the Beeb’s Robert Peston and Sky’s Mark Kleinman.

BBC appears to have ‘learned’ how to read output of other news organisations. Stephen Green appointment as trade minister now imminent,” tweeted Kleinman, hours after Pesto had picked up on the story first broken by his rival.

Should it be briefcases at dawn, gentlemen?

SHARK ATTACK
Brokering million-dollar deals or fishing human remains from the stomachs of the world’s deadliest sharks? It’s all in a day’s work for Bahamian investment banker Humphrey Simmons, who wins the prize for daredevil of the week after his eye-popping tale of terror on the high seas.

Simmons tells the local Tribune paper that he was out deep sea fishing when he reeled in a tiger shark – but as he was about to cut the creature free, it spat out a human foot.

Later investigations on land revealed the headless remains of a man, though officials believe he had drowned before coming to his grisly rest. Quite the most unusual extra-curricular achievement The Capitalist has ever heard from the banking sector.

LOVE BOAT
Valentine’s Day may be half a year away, but if any City gentlemen want inspiration for a romantic treat for their better halves, look no further.

St Katherine’s Dock reckons it’s housing a true slice of history in the form of classic yacht the Flamont Rose, which it believes was once the “love boat” of French songstress Edith Piaf and French boxing champion Marcel Cerdan.

At £1,500 a pop for a weekly rental, the old gal sure wants to get her money’s worth, though.

MONKEY BUSINESS
As City runners prepare for the ever-popular Bloomberg Square Mile Relay tomorrow, word reaches The Capitalist of a slightly more off-the-wall fun run offering coming to the Square Mile.

On 26 September, I’m told, 750 people will take to the streets to run 7km… and every single one of them dressed up as a gorilla, in order to raise money for the endangered creatures in West Africa.

“It is ideal for those who want to do something that little bit different and push themselves physically,” say the organisers.

“7k may not be far, but 7k in a gorilla suit is a lot harder…” I’ll say.

SEX SELLS
Ping! In pops an email from merchandise group Icons.com, which clearly hasn’t been reading the papers of late.

“The 2010 World Cup may not have lived up to expectations, but Friday’s 4-0 defeat of Bulgaria at Wembley showed the future may be brighter for the passionate England following,” the firm shouts, excitedly, proceeding to offer unique signed football memorabilia at a discount.

“With £60 off a hand-signed Wayne Rooney England shirt, now could be the time to make that special purchase,” it adds, seemingly without irony.