Sandeesh’s star dims as screen experience flops

A 6am summons to Pinewood studios and Sandeesh’s brain was whirring. Pine… wood… Pine… “I think it’s a furniture store”, she informed the others of the home of British cinema. Their task was to sell a “big screen experience”, a rather grand description for getting £15 off harassed shoppers so their children can stand against a blue screen.

The teams were given stalls in Westfield (it’s a shopping centre, Sandeesh) but first they had to do some filming. Synergy – led on Lord Sugar’s insistence by Sandeesh – wanted to give the kids a bit of glamour and excitement so the choice was obvious: the indoor ski slope in Milton Keynes.

Meanwhile Stuart (Apollo’s team leader) headed to a track to live out his Top Gear fantasies, taking just a moment to let everyone know about the BMW he owns.

As ever Stuart demonstrated considerable self-awareness: “I have to reign in my extreme masculinity in this task”. I’m told those watching in HD will be able to see testosterone dripping down the screen.

Leading a team of women, he quickly asserted his authority, reminding them of his own successes and unassailable instincts. Poor Stella, a decrepit 30 years old, was written off for weaknesses such as the need to make notes. Even the normally mild-mannered Nick was rattled by Stuart. “Who does he think he is?”, he hissed in his best Downton Abbey voice. Perhaps Nick was intimidated by that extreme masculinity.

Despite Stuart’s best efforts, Apollo did well. Jo in particular excelled at multitasking: buying props, attracting customers, entertaining children and explaining why the price had suddenly risen.

Things weren’t so smooth on Synergy. With little organisation and Jamie huffing that his talents were being wasted, their stall opened an hour late. With little interest from the punters, they slashed their prices and stole the other team’s idea. “Anything’s worth a go”, was Sandeesh’s verdict.

Inspiring as her motto was, it wasn’t enough to secure victory and Sandeesh found herself in the final three for the fourth time. With the innocent eyes of a woodland creature and the demeanour of a grounded teenager, she took Liz and Chris with her, the team’s hardest workers. Lord Sugar went through the motions but it was clear who his victim would be; Sandeesh’s small screen experience came to an abrupt end.