Mystery pest bugs Tube staff

NORTHERN LINE: be on the look out for mysterious bugs mounting “sustained attacks” on Tube drivers.

The RMT has complained in its latest newsletter of “as yet unidentified insects” plaguing Northern Line drivers based mainly at Morden. Fumigation has done nothing to soothe the drivers’ itches, thunders the union, and a total of 12 incident reports have been made since last August.

While London Underground’s operations director Nigel Holness said the Tube is taking these bugs seriously, no-one has managed to catch these elusive creatures in the act. A crunch meeting is being held next month to find a “permanent resolution”.

The Capitalist wonders if anyone in the City has come across these commuting creepy crawlies (but is sure that nasty itch on your left arm is probably nothing…).