INSIDE THE MISCHIEVOUS MIND OF A FIXED INCOME BONDS ANALYST

EVER wondered about the fantasies of a bonds analyst? Well, no, we can’t say we did either, until Evolution Securities’ Gary Jenkins decided to bare all in his column for Credit Matters.

Fresh from his promotion to head of fixed income, Jenkins’ megalomaniacal ambitions know no limit: he imagines himself in a new role as head of a brand new European ratings agency, doling out AAA ratings.

The Orwellian scene sees his analysts chained to the floor in guinea pig cages while Jenkins lounges on a red leather chaise longue – a kind of Mr Burns/Ferrari-chic – nibbling on grapes fed to him by Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson.

As for assistance, nothing is overlooked: to keep his office’s open hearth stoked he employs a worker full-time; for secretarial matters, he has no less than Angelina Jolie on standby.

Luckily, amid these grandiose daydreams, Jenkins still found time to send out his regular “morning flash”:

“We will report on the trends in the normal manner as more companies report,” he wrote soberly on Friday.

It’s a hard life.

PRS FOR MS
Among the crowds toiling through the Royal Park Foundation half marathon yesterday was a dedicated troupe from City PR firm Kreab Gavin Anderson. Running in aid of the MS Society, the team was headed up by deputy managing partner Deborah Walter, backed up by aptly named partner Robert Speed, plus senior adviser Harry Briggs, directors Julian Bailey and Michael Turner and associate director Natalie Biasin. With marathon veterans making up half of the team (not to mention their PR powers of persuasion), they had little trouble smashing their original fundraising target of £2,500 to bag £3,000 for the cause.

GIP’S NEW COLOURS
The new management at Gatwick is keen to show that it has ditched the baggage of the airport’s past under BAA. To emphasise the change, new owner Global Infrastructure Partners’ chief executive Stewart Wingate last week gave The Capitalist an exclusive tour of the airport’s new facilities. Many changes are admirable – but not all of the changes are quite so demonstrably useful. Most of the airport’s signs, for example, still sport the classic BAA livery of black writing on a yellow background. But Wingate will have no truck with the outdated colour scheme, so The Capitalist is proud to be the first to reveal GIP’s big new idea: yellow writing on a black background. The makeover cost? £1.5m. Whoever said London’s infrastructure doesn’t get enough investment?

NEVER TAXING
Bottoms up to the ladies of Deloitte, who managed to host a merry journos’ pub quiz last Wednesday and follow it up the following night with a drinks event for senior women in tax. The speaker’s advice for women? Keep your head. Easier said than done with all those alcohol-fuelled events.