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EXBARRISTER FINDS A RAFT OF USES FOR CITY'S USELESS BANKERS

A RATHER quaint looking little book lands on The Capitalist&rsquo;s desk and promptly causes a bit of a stir.<br /><br />Said tome has been penned &ndash; if you can call it that &ndash; by Alex Steuart Williams, a former barrister turned cartoonist and feature film animator (with movie credits such as The Lion King and Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince to his name).<br /><br />Williams&rsquo; latest offering is another collection of cartoons entitled &ldquo;101 uses for a useless banker&rdquo;, and includes a series of real gems. One depicts a couple of portly legal eagles enjoying a bottle of port, captioned &ldquo;Thank goodness for the bankers&hellip; hardly anyone hates lawyers any more!&rdquo;<br /><br />Another shows a dishevelled banker heading to the toilet, where a roll of RBS share certificates takes pride of place where the loo roll should be, while another takes the form of a City classified ad, featuring a &ldquo;Trophy wife, 32, blonde, gorgeous, no sense of humour. Monthly running costs: &pound;7,000 pcm&hellip;&rdquo; (Cue a chorus of wealthy husbands <br /><br />But The Capitalist&rsquo;s personal favourite has to be the mock-Bridget Jones style illustration of a well-heeled businesswoman penning her diary. &ldquo;Tuesday,&rdquo; it declares. &ldquo;Wine: 6 glasses. Cigarettes: 30. Pounds lost: &pound;20m.&rdquo;<br /><br />What&rsquo;s not to like about a refreshing gust of humour in the ever-more-jaded environs of the City?<br /><br /><strong>POTTY MOUTH</strong><br />In the spirit of literary cheer, The Capitalist cannot but admire the dedication of blogger Paul Kedrosky, who has taken the time to compile a (non-exhaustive) table of the best books of the financial crisis so far, judged on how many times a particular expletive appears in the text.<br /><br />A clear winner emerges in Andrew Ross Sorkin&rsquo;s controversial book &ldquo;Too Big to Fail&rdquo;, which apparently contains 20 &ldquo;f**ks&rdquo; overall, equivalent to a healthy 0.03 per page.<br /><br /><strong>JELLY WRESTLE</strong><br />Those who appreciate a more, er, imaginative approach to fundraising from the City need look no further for their slice of entertainment this coming Friday evening.<br /><br />Royal Bank of Scotland business analyst Suzie Babbe and her team of do-gooders are organising a jelly wrestling event &ndash; that&rsquo;s gorgeous model types writhing around in a bath full of wobbly jelly, for those unfamiliar with the &ldquo;sport&rdquo; &ndash; at the Oktoberfest pub in Fulham on Friday.<br /><br />They&rsquo;re hoping to raise over &pound;12,000 for army charity Help for Heroes through ticket sales and an auction &ndash; which shouldn&rsquo;t be too much of a stretch, if last year&rsquo;s photographs are anything to go by. <br /><br />Tickets are a snip at just &pound;20 for the first 30 to sign up and &pound;25 thereafter, with the option to snap up a priority &ldquo;ringside seat with VIP access&rdquo; for &pound;100. (Ooh-er.) Visit http://jelly4heroes.eventbrite.com for more details.<br /><br /><strong>CEREAL OFFENDER</strong><br />While closet couch potatoes continue to be amused by Weetabix&rsquo;s latest genius advertising campaign, showing an intrepid jockey going on to win a steeplechase on foot after being thrown from his horse, at least one party is up in arms about the ad.<br /><br />Fund manager Henderson has been in touch to point out an eerily similar photograph of an advert for its multi-manager income and growth fund, which shows a lone jockey leaping over a fence behind the rest of the pack.<br /><br />&ldquo;We admit that is using the medium of television but interesting to note Henderson&rsquo;s creative flair is proving inspirational,&rdquo; sniffs a spokesman. &ldquo;It seems there is a cereal offender at work&hellip;&rdquo; Groan.