European Union is close to collapse due to policy cracks

NERVY investors were alarmed yesterday after news started filtering through that the European Union was on the verge of collapse. Yes, full scale collapse. But before the City was forced to hit the panic button it soon became clear that it was not the decades old political and trading union that was under threat, but the vessel that houses it – the EU parliament. Officials were forced to close part of the building above the debating chamber, located in Brussels, after three cracks were detected in its wooden beams, leaving it at the threat of collapse. Officials said it came to light as a result of a “rigorous inspection system”. Rigorous inspection in the EU debating chamber - surely not!

HOUSING minister Grant Shapps fancies himself as something of a social media guru. But yesterday he was embarrassed by the actions of “Michael Green”, who used to run online marketing business HowToCorp with Shapps’ wife. Not only did Green promote software with the dubious promise that buyers would “make $20,000 in 20 days guaranteed” but he also authored a self-help book entitled “How To Bounce Back From Recession” that recommends ignoring expert opinion. What’s the problem? Well, Green was yesterday revealed to be the nom de plume of Grant Shapps himself. Who is hopefully sending a copy of his book to the Treasury.