EPISODE 56: OVER THE LIMIT
16 May 2012 12:17am
We’ve walked to school in silence, Noel swinging his book bag, but as we enter the playground Noel asks, “Daddy, why were you sleeping in the spare room?” I’m about to attempt an answer when Billy dashes past us. Noel wheels into his best friend’s slipstream and they are gone. Somehow, during this manoeuvre, Noel has transferred his book bag into my hand. I walk towards Noel’s classroom, where parents and children gather outside.
How would I have answered? That mummy and I had a horrible argument, I drank far too much and collapsed into the spare room bed? It has the advantage of truthfulness. Now I’m hungover, unshaven, scruffy and chucking a sickie. As I approach the forming line of children I hear Mr Donnelly, his back to me, quip to a couple of BAFTA-winning, Italian-suited TV producers, dads of various Jocastas and Dexters, “Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob an entire nation.” Smug laughter all round.
Mr Donnelly turns to inspect his charges but, instead, confronts me. “Mr Cashman. Ah…” Noel and Billy career into the back of the line of seven year olds, sending a ripple through the class. “Noel. Billy. Be careful. Right, in you go,” says Mr Donnelly. The children enter the classroom, Noel and Billy giggling at the rear of the line. Mr Donnelly turns and enters the classroom.
I walk away, wondering whether I should make Donnelly an offer he can’t refuse. He has a great reputation. Maybe quadruple his salary to tutor Noel at home. That’d ruffle some BAFTA-winning feathers. I pass a putrid rubbish bin and retch violently. My head spins. And as I raise my head I see Mr Donnelly watching me from the classroom window.
City Dad continues next Tuesday. For a full archive of City Dad log on to cityam.com.
In other news
Former Thomas Cook boss Harriet Green has said she'll donate a third of her forthcoming share award to a charity [Read more]
Update: Firefighters have put out a blaze at a Berkeley Homes building site on Arsenal Way, Woolwich this afternoon. [Read more]
Greece's creditors have poured cold water on the cash-strapped country's claim that the parties were nearing a [Read more]
The EU and Switzerland have signed a deal to stop EU residents holding undeclared income in Swiss bank accounts. [Read more]
A random combination of words and characters are automatically shutting down iPhone users' devices. [Read more]
London will play host to a record number of cyclists in August as the Prudential Ride London Freecycle event expands [Read more]
Commuters using London's Fenchurch Street could face a travel headache going home tonight, with operators confirming [Read more]
Eight candidates are vying for the role of deputy Labour leader in a crowded race alongside the high-profile leadership [Read more]
Between 1997 and 2013, people living in just four regions in the UK saw their disposable income increase when [Read more]
Prime Minister David Cameron has had work done. Five years in Coalition has taken its toll on the youthful fresh-face [Read more]
Swiss police are questioning 10 Fifa officials over the controversial award of the 2018 and 2022 World Cups to [Read more]
Dutch banking giant ING last night cut its stake in NN, an insurance and investment management company.
Update: Nearly 150 flights have been cancelled and 32 diverted to other European cities after a power outage shut [Read more]
A fresh investigation into migrant worker conditions in Qatar landed BBC reporters in prison recently. It is another [Read more]
The Bank of England will not back down on tough regulation, top official and ex-Barclays boss Martin Taylor said [Read more]
Perhaps the most enjoyable outcome of the General Election is the abuse now being heaped on the metropolitan liberal [Read more]
Private company SpaceX has received certified approval from the US to send military and spy satellites into space. [Read more]
Essex commuters will be the first to benefit from London’s Crossrail train service, with fare cuts of up to [Read more]
Boohoo’s finance chief Neil Catto was yesterday granted 1.6m share options worth £400,000 after his previous [Read more]
The FCA is considering whether to introduce new rules around PPI complaints following last year's ruling on the [Read more]