Daddy, isn’t it that Santa’s too fat to get down chimneys these days? Daddy, can I have a Millennium Falcon for Christmas? David, what time are your parents coming for lunch on Boxing Day?

David? Oh, hello, it’s Juliette. Sorry to trouble you at home. I’m afraid I didn’t get around to sending cards this year. Well, you know, my boss, he’s a slave driver. Anyway, just wanted to wish you a Happy Christmas. And your family. It was OK to call wasn’t it?

Daddy, can I have Optimus Prime and a scooter for Christmas?

And your parents, they’re not staying overnight are they?

Daddy, isn’t it that our tree’s bigger than Billy’s?

David, what comes after “Ten lords a-leaping”?

Daddy, isn’t it that I’ve been a really good boy this year and you and mummy have to tell Santa?

David, you must want something other than socks?

Daddy, if I mix this sticky green drink with this fizzy stuff, would it make boiling lava?

David, have you written cheques for Maria and Gabriella yet? You do remember that Maria nearly left us after you were so tight-fisted last Christmas don’t you?

Daddy, why couldn’t baby Jesus’s mummy and daddy afford a hotel, especially if he was God?

David, if the turkey weighs 6 kilos and it needs 20 minutes per pound, how long does it have to cook for?

David. Roderick here. Just had drinks with my buffoon of a son-in-law. Big wig at Osgood’s. Tells me there’s a bit of a flap on over there. I said we could help. And Boxing Day’s always such a bore, don’t you think? So, lunch with them? I’ve said yes. Come with some decent thoughts.

Daddy, will I still get just as much presents this year even with Gwennie and Harry here?

City Dad will continue, as normal, on Tuesday. For previous episodes, please go to www.cityam.com