Bust ups and bus trips as Apprentices go on tour

WHEN David Cameron said Britain wasn’t doing enough to sell itself to tourists, this probably wasn’t what he had in mind. With six candidates left, each team was given a double decker bus to organise a themed London tour. The result wasn’t exactly the Best of British.

Stella, stung by allegations that she was cold and corporate, was determined to show her fun side and suggested a cockney tour. Showcasing the worst cockney accent since Dick Van Dyke, Stuart invited us to, “come to England and have a taste of my eels”. Such a shame he wasn’t involved in England’s World Cup bid.

On the other team Jamie devised a ghosts and ghouls tour, though the rest of his team may not have quite grasped the concept. Team leader Joanna kept talking about “goals and ghosts” while Chris thought it was best to leave out the gory parts of the Sweeney Todd story.

Stella and Jamie were our guides and were full of fascinating facts you never knew about London. “The Thames is the second largest river in London”, Jamie informed us. “And do you see that building that looks like a gherkin? Well it’s called the Gherkin because it looks like a gherkin.” Right, almost got that, but could you run through it one more time?

He still did a better job than Stella; her tour bus had whizzed past the sights before she’d noticed and the walking tour was spent asking directions. All in all, a snip at £35 a ticket.

It was a price the London Visitors Centre called “ambitious” (a fine euphemism) and it decided to sell tickets for the rival Ghosts and Ghouls instead, though this might also be down to Chris accidentally promising them 20 per cent of every pound he made. This left an increasingly desperate Stuart and Liz illegally touting for business outside the Centre. Viewers were almost treated to the first Apprentice punch up as Stuart’s legendary extreme masculinity surfaced in a showdown with Chris.

With not enough tickets sold, Stella’s team were back in the boardroom and time for the begging to begin. Having previously offered to work for Lord Sugar for nothing, Stuart now decided he’d work 24 hours a day, including weekends.

Knowing Lord Sugar’s weakness, Stuart reminded him he was a self-made man. Spotting a Mini-Me in his midst, Lord Sugar spared Stuart and booked Liz her very own one-way tour through London.