Labour resorts to spin after its football defeat

LABOUR’S shadow cabinet was yesterday at war – over a brutal football defeat to a group of journalists.

The annual showdown between the Labour team and Fleet Street’s finest ended in a 4-0 win for the media. But some of the politicians – mainly consisting of a rapidly ageing group of Blair-era MPs – resorted to the dark arts of spin to avenge their defeat.

Ed Balls kicked things off by briefing against Andy Burnham. While the shadow chancellor initially praised the “Robin van Persie of the Labour team,” he said Burnham – a former leadership rival – “didn’t quite deliver” when it came to the crunch.

A separate source then informed The Capitalist that Burnham – the shadow health secretary – may have been let down by his diet after he was spotted cramming chips into his face on Brighton sea front.

Shadow defence secretary Jim Murphy justified his performance by saying he had cracked two ribs during the game. But last night Labour expressed anger after it was revealed that the star media player was in fact a Sky News soundman – a far more athletic type than the typical weedy political scribbler.