LABOUR MP Jamie Reed sparked a police alert after saying he had heard gunshots near to the Labour party conference – only to admit that his sleuthing skills may be more akin to Scooby Doo.
“Gunshots in the underground car park at Brighton Marina. Not a gag,” he tweeted late on Sunday night, prompting The Capitalist to sprint out of the conference hall towards the site of the alleged shooting.
After making a quick call to the MP for Copeland, who reassured us that he was “a country lad” who knows “what gunshots sound like”, we pressed on – only for Sussex Police to declare no incident had taken place.
Speculation instead focused on, um, a misfiring car engine.
“Painfully aware that Twitter may be to me what radio was to Orson Welles...” Reed admitted.
Stand down, firearms officers.