"Bond king" Bill Gross just went on a bizarre rant about the positive qualities of men

 
Emma Haslett
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Ladies' man: Bill Gross

It seems the so-called bond king has time to spare in his new role: Janus Henderson's Bill Gross has appeared to join the #MeToo debate - by drawing a bizarre comparison between bonds and men.

Gross started his monthly investment outlook by stating: "bonds, like men, are in a bear market", then listing six points in men's favour.

Among his observations were that men need "fewer pairs of shoes and purses", and they live 10 years less on average: "They truly are the weaker sex. Feel sorry for ‘em ladies, not angry."

​Then things took a turn for the weird.

"Men shouldn't be criticised for not putting the toilet seat down," began his third point.

"If they need to put it down, they will. If women do too, they can use their foot just like everyone else.

"Men run faster, jump higher and are much better at not communicating," he added.

Number five? "Sure men start wars but great things actually are a result of them. Canned foods owe their origin to Napoleon, microwave ovens to the invention of radar during WWII, and the internet (not Al Gore) to the fear of Russia bombing U.S. telephone lines during the Cold War. Way to go guys. Keep starting those wars."

And finally: "Men always know where the remote control is. Right next to them."

He ended the rant saying he "could go on and on" - but added: "I won’t. I don’t dare. Actually most of the world’s problems would go away if men just stayed home, watched football and learned to talk to their partners during commercial breaks. There are certainly enough of them." Alright then.

Read more: How analysts (and Bill Gross) see a December rate hike

End of the bear market?

Former Pimco chief Gross went on to point out that "bonds, like men, are in a bear market" - although the good news for both bonds and men is that "annual returns should still likely be positive, although marginally so".

"There are several significant reasons that should lead to a 2.7 per cent plus end yield and a mild bear market total return of zero to one per cent for most bond portfolios," he added, citing growth in the nominal economy, which "now looks capable of five per cent for at least a few quarters", and central banks easing back on quantitative easing.

"Oprah shouted, 'Their time has come'," he ended.

"The bear bond market’s time has come as well. Many would say, including yours truly – 'It’s about time'."

Read more: The plot thickens: Now Bill Gross sues Pimco

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